i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
