i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I'm really busy with my period
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