you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
