Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
worst night to have a conscience
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize