The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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