Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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