marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
