I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
