You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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