So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
