hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize