Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
