I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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