I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
