I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
