No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
