We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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