She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize