oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
