Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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