he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
