When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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