In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
