you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well you can't waste a boner
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hippo gnu deer
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
