My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
