sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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