Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
