1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and she was petting her beer can
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
