Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
