i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
