I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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