she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
