I got chris browned last night
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
