I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
