I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
