I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
