you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
