I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
