i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
