I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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