I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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