"it" just moved
Yo dont text me then not text me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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