Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
