dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
