drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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