For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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