So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
