I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
