There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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