Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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