guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
