Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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