So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
