idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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