ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize