I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize