Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
