I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
