my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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