Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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