this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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