Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
