i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize