My room smells like vodka and shame
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
