I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
