Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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