No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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