The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
