we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
